Always a new start but never an old end

How many times have you stopped to think about things that you never actually finished.

I mean, you started somehow at some point but you actually never gave it an end.


I was in a deep talk to myself and I just realized so many things that I started and didn't finish. Whatever the reason was it was never done. I'm not talking about a painting that you never finished or something for college that you had to give to a friend finish it because Aliens took you for experimental stuff.

Back to the times when I was at school in Brazil.. I think I was more certain of what I wanted to do. But if I stop for a second and think. That's its fucking right. I knew exactly what I wanted and I did. Whatever it was, I did. I remember once when I spoke to my mom about buying some collective cards to resell it afterwards. I think I was something like 16 and I had that in mind. I thought that it would bring me money and I had to go to Rio de Janeiro to buy the bloody cards. In the end, I did, spent all my money, going to Rio, buying loads of cards and stuff for people who I asked before and quote some prices for them.

I can't believe how determinate I was and actually that worked. I turned out something like R$150,00 (somewhere near to €60) into R$400,00 (€160).(I didn't fool anyone. they knew my prices and I was honest. charged expensive because it was very rare cards) Ok, Ok... I won't be rich doing this.. And actually it doesn't work anymore, but the fact that I did it is the important part for me.

I wonder why sometimes (almost always) nowadays, this just doesn't work anymore; I don't have the same patient and strength (kind of of) to stick to an idea and just do it.

Is there something missing? I hope there's actually. Because logically if there's something missing, means that I can get it back. The problem is if this "thing" missing is not missing.. I just don't have it anymore.. that's where the problem comes from.

Do you know when there's a time when you need someone to tell you.. "YOU FUCKING BASTARD! YOU DO IT OR DIE!".. too strong right? I think you got the picture anyway.. I think I need someone like this sometimes.. I think I'm better when I'm under pressure.

I think that what I really need now.. is something that I REALLY like to do.. but with things that you really like comes with the problem that you never have time to enjoy them.. why? can not things be easier sometimes?!

I think I'm gonna stick to a plan now and just do it.. I just don't know what's gonna be the plan anyway..

;-)

feel free to comment please.